Stop Apologizing for Your Child’s Emotions—Here’s What to Do Instead

Parenting a toddler is a delicate dance between nurturing their needs and navigating societal expectations. As a swim instructor and an intuitive parenting advocate, I had an experience today that perfectly illustrates this balance.

A 2.5-year-old girl was the only child in my class. At first, she was in tears, hesitant about the lesson. Her mother, like many parents, kept apologizing for her daughter’s emotions. But then, something beautiful happened—she started to have fun. She laughed, splashed, and enjoyed her time in the water.

And then, just as unexpectedly, she started crying again. Not just a small whimper, but a full-blown meltdown. Her mother and I tried to understand—did she want to get out? Jump in? Stay with me in the water? Play with toys? Nothing seemed to be the right answer. She was overwhelmed, unable to communicate her needs in the moment.

I did what I encourage all parents to do: I regulated myself first. I breathed deeply, stayed calm, and offered her the same grounding energy. I gently told her, I want to help you, but I don’t understand. Can you show me? I pointed in different directions, modeling what she could do. She pointed to the wall, took a deep breath, and finally said, Out. All done.

Her mother immediately apologized again. But there was nothing to apologize for. This is normal for a toddler. Big emotions, new experiences, and the inability to verbalize what they need all come together in moments like these.

Understanding Emotional Waves in Toddlers

Toddlerhood is a period of rapid development, where children experience emotions intensely but lack the language skills to express them effectively. One moment they are joyful and engaged, and the next, they are overwhelmed and in tears. These emotional waves are not only expected but also a sign of growth. A child learning how to navigate emotions is much like a swimmer learning to float—sometimes they struggle, but with guidance, they find their way.

When a child has a sudden emotional shift, it may be due to:

• Overstimulation: New environments, activities, and sensory experiences can quickly become overwhelming.

• Fatigue: Emotional regulation is exhausting for young children, especially after excitement.

• Hunger or Discomfort: Physical needs often exacerbate emotional distress.

• A Need for Connection: A child may simply want reassurance and closeness.

The Takeaway: Responding Intuitively, Not Reacting to Expectations

As parents, we often feel pressure to keep our children’s emotions contained, especially in public spaces. We worry about judgment, about whether we’re “handling” things correctly. But our job is not to make their feelings disappear—it’s to guide them through their emotions, just as we guide them through life.

Instead of feeling the need to fix or suppress our child’s reactions, we can:

• Stay calm and regulated ourselves. Children mirror our energy. When we take deep breaths and respond gently, we show them how to regulate emotions.

• Acknowledge their feelings without rushing to fix them. “I see you’re upset. I want to help.”

• Offer simple choices or visual cues. For young children, pointing or showing can be more effective than asking open-ended questions.

• Remember that emotional dysregulation is not misbehavior. It’s part of growing up.

• Create predictable transitions. Letting a child know what comes next can ease their emotional shifts.

• Reframe meltdowns as communication. Instead of seeing outbursts as tantrums, recognize them as your child’s way of expressing an unmet need.

Supporting Parents in These Moments

It’s important for parents to show themselves the same grace they give their children. When a child melts down in public, feelings of embarrassment, frustration, or self-doubt may arise. Here’s what you can do in those moments:

• Pause and breathe. Regulate yourself before responding.

• Remember your child’s age and development. They are not trying to be difficult; they are struggling with big emotions.

• Ignore judgment from others. Most parents have been in your shoes.

• Celebrate small victories. Each time your child communicates, even nonverbally, it’s progress.

Teaching Emotional Regulation Through Modeling

One of the most powerful ways to help children navigate their emotions is by modeling emotional regulation ourselves. When we verbalize our own calming strategies—“I feel frustrated, so I’m taking a deep breath”—we teach children that emotions are manageable, not something to fear.

Additionally, encouraging sensory play and mindfulness activities can strengthen a child’s ability to self-regulate. Water play, for instance, can be incredibly soothing and allow children to process their feelings in a safe, engaging way.

Trusting Your Child’s Emotional Process

Next time your child has big feelings, trust their process. Apologizing for their emotions isn’t necessary—honoring them is. Your role as a parent is to be their safe space, to help them navigate emotions, and to model self-regulation.

Rather than viewing meltdowns as a setback, see them as an opportunity to build your child’s emotional intelligence. These moments, though challenging, are laying the foundation for a child who knows how to navigate their emotions in a healthy way.

How have you handled moments like this? Hit reply and share your story!